Wow, What A Dipsh*t!!!

•February 8, 2010 • Leave a Comment

Waterboarding in Cambodia during the Khmer Rouge regime. Painting by a former prison inmate, Vann Nath, at the Tuol Sleng Genocide Museum. You will notice this is an adult, not a 4 year old girl.

According to Fox News,  a U.S. soldier has been accused of “waterboarding” his four-year-old daughter because she would not recite her ABCs.

Joshua Tabor, 27, of Yelm, Wash., allegedly beat the child before holding her head under water Sunday night in the family’s kitchen sink, the network reported.

Tabor reportedly told a police officer that he and his girlfriend “held her down on the counter and submerged her head into the water three or four times until the water came around her forehead and jawline,” according to the network.

The suspect said he punished the girl for “refusing to say her letters.”

Tabor, a soldier at the Lewis-McChord base in Tacoma, Wash., has been charged with second-degree assault of a child and is set to appear in court Feb. 16.

The suspect reportedly told police that his daughter was afraid of water “and was squirming around trying to get away from the water.”

“Joshua did not act as though he felt there was anything wrong with this form of punishment,” the police report said.

Tabor’s girlfriend also told authorities that the girl had “severe bruising on her entire back” and had locked herself in a closet to hide from her father, the network reported.

What really just pisses me off is that in court this moron has more rights than a four year old did in her home – the place in the world she should feel safe from all harm. I’m really hoping this disgusting piece of flesh of a man gets a punishment that includes having his nut sack stretched over the top of his head.

I’m Very Scared!

•February 6, 2010 • Leave a Comment

I’m very scared right now!

Is your cat plotting to kill you?

An Open Letter to American Late Night TV Hosts

•January 18, 2010 • Leave a Comment

Above: a real comedienne and a real talk show host.

Dear Big Chin and Coco,

America needs Graham Norton now more than ever. I just thank god for BBCAmerica and the fact that I don’t have to watch you over paid twats. I would much rather listen to the lisping Donathon Woths (Jonathon Ross) for 24 hours than either of you over-entitled and overpaid morons.

In case none of you have realized, you’re fighting over complete stupidity. While those in this country that watch you and provide for you are losing our jobs and homes, you are fighting over more money in one year than most of us will make in our lifetimes. When your plight is thought of in those terms, neither of you are really are capable of receiving sympathies. So quit your damn whining and give me a break!

With the exception of Graham Norton, I really don’t think there is a good talk show host on American television anymore. Its ashame someone doesn’t put reruns of the Catherine Tate Show on a major network at 11:35 p.m., now there’s a show! Who ABC could use is that big poof Paul O’Grady and then there would be problems for you two and the Gap Tooth!

Anyway, Conan take the $30 million and shut the fu*k up. Jay, just shut the fu*k up! Dave, no one gives a fu*k about you! Why do you think you’re Number 2 against the first two losers?

Best wishes,

Mike

My 10 Favorite British Comediennes

•December 27, 2009 • Leave a Comment

You’ll have to excuse my purely sexist views, but for the most part I think most male british comedians think they have to be childish and boorish, except for Keith Allen. Seriously, can anyone over five years old think Mr. Bean is funny? And how long does it take for Monty Python to become repetative?

But, British women, God love their hot little accents, are just as funny as they are sexy. Please, do not think this is a ranking, all of these women are hilarious and depending upon your taste, your number one could be anywhere. With that said, here are my ten favorite Funny British Baebes:

10. Victoria Wood

9. Eleanor Bron

8. Sue Perkins

7. Jo Brand

6. Dawn French

5. Catherine Tate

4. Jennifer Saunders

3. Liz Smith

2. Kathy Burke

1. Joanna Lumley

Honorable Mentions – Julia Sawalha & June Whitfield

A Thought from the Bible

•December 24, 2009 • Leave a Comment

Proverbs 22:7 says:

The rich rule over the poor, and the borrower is servant to the lender.

Somewhat of an interesting take on the financial situation of those of us in the middle class nowadays.

Realtor Steals Woman’s Home

•December 23, 2009 • Leave a Comment

A Las Vegas woman’s story of losing everything because of a foreclosure mix up is now being disputed by the company that stole and trashed all of her belongings.

8 News Now in Las Vegas reported Nilly Mauck’s story Monday. Mauck said a mix up in addresses caused a local realtor to think her condominium was a foreclosure and had all of her belongings removed.

And of course some sorry-assed attorney has to get involved and speak for the confused realtors. The attorney and realty group believe the victim is trying to get more bang for her buck because of an obvious mistake by the realty group. However, there now appears to be even more confusion over a set of pictures of the apartment before it was cleared.

“Over here I had my couch and my chair and my dining room table over here,” said Mauck as she points where her furniture used to be located. She says Brenkus Team, a real estate group, is to blame because they wrongfully “trashed out” her home. The term is used when a home is cleared of everything inside due to a foreclosure. In this case, Mauck says it was her neighbor’s condo that was in foreclosure, not hers.

“There was no food, no clothes in the closet. It looked like the people had moved out so that’s why they thought they had the right place,” said Albert Marquis who represents the Brenkus Team. “I don’t think anything excuses the fact that there was a mistake and that damage should be paid for,” Marquis said. What must be determined now is how much is the mistake worth?

“My clients made a potential offer, I think, of $5,000, but she came back and is asking for $200,000 and that’s not going to happen,” he said.  It appears this attorney believes it is okay to throw a mother and children out of their own house just days before Christmas. He also seems to think that $5,000 is sufficient to replace the contents of a home and make up for the memories lost by having photos of her wedding and children destroyed. (I personally think $200,000 is too little to ask for, especially after being insulted by these morons.)

But before even that can be settled, there is another area of dispute involving the contents in the condominium.

“This is Mrs. Mauck’s condo before they cleaned these things out,” said Marquis, who sent out a series of photos by way of a public relations firm to 8 News Now. He claims the pictures are of Mauck’s home and they show it is vacant with the exception of a few items scattered about.

They are much different that the pictures that Mauck has which show a furnished home.

“You’ve got that there and you’ve got more pictures there. How do you explain these? I was told that these were all immediately before they’re might be a few that are immediately after okay. But these are these, pictures of place that somebody already moved out,” Marquis said.

However, 8 News Now examined the photos and noticed that the layout of the kitchens was different in each photo. Also, one photo in the series shows a different condo number. 8 News Now asked Marquis about the differences in the photos and he didn’t have an answer. He believes the victim is looking for a hefty payout. “It’s like someone being in an auto accident and then faking their injuries in order to increase their damages,” Marquis said. (No, you owe this woman big money. On top of that, your clients gave you bogus photos to take on the news. Who’s faking now?)

Mauck says she only wants her possessions back or to be compensated. “If they really took it to the dump, I don’t think I will ever get any of those back. I don’t even want to come back to this place anymore,” she said.

According to the news station, the attorney said he is planning to look into the discrepancies of the photos.

I really think the realtors should take their asses on TV and explain to the world why it is okay to say this woman’s life is only worth $5,000 instead of sending an attorney to do it for them. This is probably the biggest load of crap I have ever heard – $5,000 for all of the possessions of your home – and then to use fake pictures to cover the lies – AMAZING!

It is a real shame that the realtors cannot act human and say they fuc*ed up and honestly try to fix this situation. Apparently, in the current economic climate, we can add realtors to the list with used car salesmen as dispicable professions.

I also hope the realtors’ attorney takes the time to read this decision when saying $200,000 isn’t going to happen.

Like Having My Mind Read

•December 23, 2009 • Leave a Comment

How great is that?

Bing! Sues Over Bing

•December 20, 2009 • Leave a Comment

Yah, sure, they really are, whatever!

I can’t stand the Evil Empire and even I don’t get it.

Today I Pis*ed Off A Telemarketer

•December 20, 2009 • Leave a Comment

Maybe, it was wrong. Only, maybe!. Do I really care? Face…bothered…not so much!

Anyway, today a telemarketer called me. And it was one of those obnoxious, loud, ‘i gotta pee so hurry up’ anxious kind of people. I’m working on Sunday, so I could give a sh*t less. But, I decided to play ball with this moron, it took less than thirty seconds:

TM: Hi, hope yer havin a blest day tuday, sir!

Me: No, not really, I’m at work!

TM: Oh, dat’s tu bad, what I’m calling fer…

Me: Did you say you want to have sex? Did you say you wanted to take my load?!?

TM: Sir, dats not what….

Me: You disrespecting me? You disrespecting my load? You saying I have old man balls? They not good enough for you?

TM: SIR!

Me: You saying you want to ride me like a Mandingo? You like old man balls?

He hung up. See, my face….not bovvered.

My apologies to Catherine Tate.

What a Generous Con Man

•December 20, 2009 • Leave a Comment

Got this in the email today. Wonder if I should send him all my personal contact information?

PLEASE READ AND RESPOND TO MY CRY!!!

Dear beloved one…

As you read this, I don’t want you to feel sorry for me, because, I
believe everyone will
die someday. My name is NICK BENSON, a merchant in Brazil . I have
been diagnosed with
Esophageal cancer . It has defiled all forms of medical treatment, and
right now I have
only about a few months to live, according to medical experts.

I have not particularly lived my life so well, as I never really cared
for anyone (not
even myself) but my business. Though I was very rich, I was never
generous, I was always
hostile to people and only focused on my business as that was the only
thing I cared for.
But now I regret all this as I now know that there is more to life
than just wanting to
have or make all the money in the world. I believe when God gives me a
second chance to
come to this world, I would live my life a different way from how I
have lived it.

Now that God has called me, I have willed and given most of my
property and assets to my
immediate and extended family members as well as a few close friends.
I want God to be
merciful to me and accept my soul so I have decided to give also to charity
organizations, as I want this to be one of the last good deeds I do on
earth. So far, I
have distributed money to some charity organizations in the U.A.E,
Algeria and Malaysia .
Now that my health has deteriorated so badly, I cannot do this myself
anymore. I once
asked members of my family to close one of my accounts and distribute
the money which I
have there to charity organizations in Asia and U.K, they refused and
kept the money to
themselves.

Hence, I do not trust them anymore, as they seem not to be contended
with what I have
left for them. The last of my money which no one knows of is the huge
deposit of Eighteen
million dollars $18,000,000.00 that I have with a reputable financial
institution in
Europe . I want you to help me collect this deposit and dispatch it to
various charity
organizations worldwide.

I have set aside 15% for you once you do this for me. May the Lord be
with you.
Please reach me through my personal email address of: nick222@ozu.es
Please remember to keep this known to yourself alone and I for now, as
I am doing this as
a contribution to life on earth. I will also appreciate if you provide
me with the
following informations, so that i can put you through the whole process.

(1) Your complete names.
(2) Your private phone numbers including mobile.
(3) Your present contact address

I will really appreciate your quick response. Once again this is my
personal e-mail
address: nick222@ozu.es

God bless you,
Mr. Nick Benson